An Ordinary Life

It isn't so much that I haven't come to terms with my current "status" in life. I have. . . At least I think I have. I mean I've said things like, "I'm the surviving spouse." and "My husband has passed away." and other people have called me the "W" word and it hasn't really phased me. . . much. I've even had to put that as my status on a few forms. But I really hadn't said it out loud. But this week I got a phone call and the caller asked to speak to Ed. That may seem unusual, but we had started giving out my number for his business calls because he often didn't have his hearing aids in and missed important calls. It caught me off guard a bit because, while it happened frequently right after he passed, it had tapered off and I hadn't had any for about a month. "Hello, this is _______ Ambulance, Company, may I speak with Edmond please? We're calling to make sure he was happy with the service

My current situation is such that I have no choice but to find a job. My husband thought he had things in place to take care of me as I took care of him for the past several years, but unfortunately, that isn’t how it is working out. So, at a month short of 55 years old, and after nearly a decade I am looking for work. Things have really changed. I’ve researched “best practices” as regards resume’s and such and it seems that now you almost have to create a resume’ for each firm you ship one off to. This is required because the objective is for a living breathing human to take a look at it and hopefully find you worthy of an in-person meeting. To even have a shot at this viewing of your skills summary by “organic” eyes you are, in many if not most cases going to need to get past the electronic/mechanical “gate keeper” the applicant tracking system. The challenge is to “seed” your resume’ with exactly the right words or phrases that this app tracker has been programmed to “like” so t

I had not really allowed myself to "fall apart" over the events in my life recently. A few tears and a lot of involuntary heavy sighs, but that's about it. Too much had to (and still has to) be done to indulge myself that way. Well, my mail yesterday changed all that. I'd not been "counting on" a positive outcome from my claim to the VA but I had been hoping for it and really did think my chances were good. Nope. The letter came yesterday. Denied. And everything crashed.   Then this is the Bible verse of the day in my email this morning: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV   I believe I've been "coming to Him" all through this. or I wouldn't have been able to hold it together. In fact I believe that while I've always been firm in my faith, I've actually been stronger in that aspect of my life than I'd been in a long time. It had been a conscious

Because I'm just getting started in the world of "blogging" I don't think I've mentioned that I need to find a job. Like, right now. As my darlin's health declined over the years there came a point where it was best for me to stay home and try to help him control his conditions. We made several adjustments that did, in fact improve, or at least slow down the decline, so it was the right decision for our circumstances. HOWEVER, living on disability, even a generous situation such as the one we were in, doesn't leave a lot of financial cushion and any savings we had from prior to that decision was pretty much gone long before he passed away. Also, funny thing. When a disabled person passes away, the disability income stops showing up in the bank account. Actually, I think that got cut off before the funeral. So, there is NOTHING coming in right now and, well, as most of you know, there are lights that have to be lit sometimes, and a refrigerator that must st

My son asked if we could coordinate our calendars this morning. By that he means he wants to be sure I have correctly noted HIS work schedule on MY calendar. His schedule is from Monday to Sundayso when we got to next Sunday's hours, he noticed my annual reminder of (what would have been) Edmond's and my anniversary next Monday (9/18) and he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm so sorry Mom." I've been thinking about how I'll observe the day this year and how to, if possible, make it something other than completely teary, but mostly I realized that this will be the real 'kick-off' of a year of "Firsts" that I/we will have to live through without my Edmond.My Pop's birthday is 9/17 and Mom is serving cake and coffee to his friends we lovingly refer to as "The Good Ole Boys" at Cascade Christian Church on the 18th in the morning. I'm invited to that and if I'm feeling up to it I may join in. But I'm leaning t

Earlier today I came across a post made by an acquaintance of mine on Facebook that really got me thinking. Here is the post I read, followed by my thoughts and experiences I shared in response to it.  "I have a question to my Catholic FB friends. How do accept God's will?. My life has been very stressful and I do say my prayers and attend church and I do not ask for much in life but I see others who have it far better than me and they do not even believe in God. I wish to Change my life . I am tired of sarcastic people. I want to make some transitions and it just seems my life has too many road blocks." My response: There was a time, a few years back when I was asking those same questions. Why can't I find a job, how will I pay the bills, I didn't really even allow myself to consider any luxuries or extras because of the inability to cover the necessities. I kept going back on my upbringing in the church. I'm protestant not catholic, but that really do

Well, it's been awhile since my last post. Looking back I see it was the day before my life was turned upside down. It still hasn't righted itself and I'm not sure it ever will. Oh I know it will get better, well, easier is maybe a more accurate way to put that because "better" is so subjective. My amazing family and dear friends are all doing so much to help me navigate while "upside down" and I'm so grateful. But all their help can't make my mind stay focused to do what I need to do now or fix this. My Darlin' Edmond On June 28th in the early morning hours a chain of events started that would change everything for me. My Darlin' Edmond, still groggy from the medications he took to help him sleep got up from bed to use the bathroom. He slipped, or tripped or something, lost his balance and fell hitting his rib cage on the foot end bed post. The impact fractured at least 4 ribs (the hospital just said "multiple" but

. . . and this is mine." Something I say often when I've just answered (honestly) the question "How are you?"  I'm sure there will be more about my "stuff" in future posts. Most days I really am okay I think. I generally fly by the seat of my pants so that bit of chaos is normal for me. I've learned to operate that way since plans have a way of falling by the wayside when other people's "stuff" demands your time and attention. Today has already been tweaked. . . multiple times.  Originally, the "plan" was to spend my morning hosting in the Japanese Garden at Meijer Gardens. Nine a.m. to One p.m. was the scheduled shift. The "Air People" are scheduled to come with fresh tanks for Hunny but though they call us to let us know their approximate arrival time in the morning the day of, it's pretty much always been between three and four p.m. so no conflicts there. Whew! Nate's schedule came in saying he had to cal

Stilettos and a "wide belt" (micro mini pencil skirt) are NOT the best things to wear to an outdoor concert with first come, first served LAWN seating. Okay, you look fab. Well, you did until your heels became covered in clumps of grass and damp earth after sinking in up to the soles. And while that "skirt" IS kind cute, if it's not stretched so tight we can see every line, those grass stains aren't doing it, or you any favors. I know he's cute and you want him to like you. Odds are he does if he's spent the money to take you to this particular concert. These tickets aren't cheap, Honey. But there is a good chance he'd still like you if you wore something a teensy bit more practical for the location of your "date" Or, maybe he doesn't or he might have warned you about the chance that you'd be ruining your fancy heels and showing anyone further down the hill who happens to be looking back when you try to sit down all your

Okay, yeah, on the face of it, it may seem selfish of me to donate my time and energy to a place that, to many, may not seem like as "worthy" a cause as others that are more political, or humanitarian. There was a time I might have agreed with that. But after having spent considerable time at 'The Gardens' my belief in the validity of the mission there grows stronger every day. Oh, most definitely there is a selfish element to it. It's fun. So many interesting things happen there and so many fascinating people visit. Then there's the fact that nearly everyone who is there WANTS to be there. Occasionally a guest will visit and you can tell they joined in under pressure from the rest of their group, but chances are just a short time after arrival they'll have changed their mind and will be enjoying themselves along with the rest of us. From time to time staff members might become a bit disillusioned. But for them it's a job and jobs have a way of doing

I went to bed last night excited about the fact that we had no appointments and as such, no reason to set the alarm and get up early today. So imagine my surprise when at 5:40 a.m. I wake. startled to find my darlin' hubby standing by my side of the bed asking for assistance. He was up, dressed and had his hat on ready to go. I asked where he was off to and his answer told me he believed it to be Saturday morning and he has a standing breakfast "date" with some friends early on Saturdays. Ugh, Well, we set that straight but of course I was awake enough that more sleep just wasn't going to happen so here we are, not even 7 a.m. and I've already had a cuppa and scanned my facebook feed. I've been a rebel though and haven't gotten dressed yet. I don't have to, and you can't make me!!! My Darlin'? Oh he's sound asleep in his recliner.

Life sure gets crazy sometimes. I thought about starting a sort of "blog" ages ago after a few friends insisted I'd be good at it. Well, apparently I'm not because I sure didn't keep at it. I always wonder, in spite of what I guess is a kind of crazy life (sometimes) what I'd ever write about that anyone might wish to actually read. It seems sort of self-serving and even vain to presume they might. So why now? Well, I'm in need of an outlet to help me process what is going on in my life and while I COULD just create a journal / diary and write in that, I have essential tremor and my handwriting is horrid. I can type though, so, here we are. My life has changed so drastically over the past few years. Mostly in a good way, but in other ways, not so much. Apparently it's changing again right now and it's shaping up to be a very intense and not so great time in my life, so I'm gearing up to handle it as best I can. In mid-May we were to