I Think I Did Okay. . .
Because I'm just getting started in the world of "blogging" I don't think I've mentioned that I need to find a job. Like, right now. As my darlin's health declined over the years there came a point where it was best for me to stay home and try to help him control his conditions. We made several adjustments that did, in fact improve, or at least slow down the decline, so it was the right decision for our circumstances. HOWEVER, living on disability, even a generous situation such as the one we were in, doesn't leave a lot of financial cushion and any savings we had from prior to that decision was pretty much gone long before he passed away. Also, funny thing. When a disabled person passes away, the disability income stops showing up in the bank account. Actually, I think that got cut off before the funeral. So, there is NOTHING coming in right now and, well, as most of you know, there are lights that have to be lit sometimes, and a refrigerator that must stay cold even if it's not got much in it and well, it's inadvisable to allow the stock of toilet paper to run out. Sooooo... J...O...B...
I wish I knew why some things make me so incredibly nervous. There are circumstances under which I am required to converse with strangers that I can carry on a conversation like we've been friends forever. But call something an "interview" and I get butterflies the size of basketballs trying to "flutter" around in my stomach and struggle to put together even the simplest coherent thought. I'm not Einstein, but sheesh, I'd like to think I have a couple of functioning brain cells in there, though under "interview" or "test" conditions, I'm not always so sure.
A little over a week ago, it was test time. Just a simple typing test. I do that nearly every day. Doing it right this minute in fact, and I'm actually pretty good at it. It was insane how nervous I was going in to that little room off the reception lobby to take that test. Fortunately I didn't completely choke and beat the minimum score needed, but I didn't beat it by much and in pretty much every practice test I took preparing for it I beat it by a bunch. I even beat it when interrupted by a phone call. So what's up with the nerves?
I did beat the minimum score. So, today I was blessed with the opportunity to interview for the position. YAY! It's a simple clerical post, but it's with the county so I'd be doing a job that would be in service to the people of my county and I like the idea of that. The hours would be very regular, basic week day, day shift, no weekends or holidays which would allow me to continue doing some of the volunteering I've been doing for years which is a HUGE plus and would also allow me to ramp up my participation at my church, something I've also been looking at since Edmond passed as a "safe" way to have a sort of social life as a gal on her own. (something that also terrifies me) The paycheck wouldn't make me rich but it would allow me to keep the fridge and toilet paper stocked and maybe even splurge on dinner out once in a while. Basically, it is exactly what I was hoping to find.
So why, rather than complete excitement over the prospect (that was there too) was I such a wreck with the nerves? How does one get past that? I don't think I stuttered too much. I took a deep breath before each answer both to try to settle myself and frame my thoughts. I don't think I came across as a complete dope, but it's hard to say what their perspective might have been. They weren't scary. No fangs or visible weapons to be afraid of. Just three very nice, and actually warm and friendly people, who I very much hope to see again and even become a co-worker of.
Admittedly it could have been worse. As I got in my car to make the short drive to the offices for the event (another big bonus. It's only about a 15 minute commute!) I said the prayer I've been using for this job search adventure. "Lord, please help me relax for this. And if it's meant to be, help me rock this and if not, help me represent myself as best I can and use it as experience and a learning tool for the one that is meant to be." Then I started the car, turned on my radio to Pandora (through my phone) and what comes on? Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb. HA! My darlin' just might have been behind that one. Next up was another of his favorite artists, Kitaro (awesome stuff!) and then another Pink Floyd tune (can't remember which actually. Sorry) I don't know if you believe in that stuff, but to me it was a sort of message that my Edmond, who ALWAYS had my back and supported me no matter what I wanted to do even if he didn't really want me to do it, was/is still letting me know he's got my back. I was still greatly amped on nerves, but I can't deny the little prayer and that musical pep talk did help. . . a little.
I think I did okay. Yeah I got a bit jittery, but, well, it's been years since my last real interview. I've gone to a couple that posed as interviews but were really just head hunter firms looking to boost their rosters I think and didn't really amount to much. No where near what this was for sure. I'm not counting chickens, but I am encouraged by the fact that they gave me a sheet listing all the benefits offered if/when I am hired and the lovely lady who was there commented that with the fixed schedule they have I "won't have to completely give up my volunteering at Meijer Gardens" and she said it almost as if she was trying to sell the position to me. Though that could be partly wishful thinking on my part.
The up-side is that I was told that no matter the decision I WILL be notified which is such a thoughtful thing these days. Most firms just leave one hanging with no contact so any contact is appreciated, even if it's not exactly as I hope. The time frame? One to two weeks. Ugh, that can feel like forever, but it's not. I've got this waiting thing down and I can outlast it and I think I did okay. . .
Here's hoping. . .
I wish I knew why some things make me so incredibly nervous. There are circumstances under which I am required to converse with strangers that I can carry on a conversation like we've been friends forever. But call something an "interview" and I get butterflies the size of basketballs trying to "flutter" around in my stomach and struggle to put together even the simplest coherent thought. I'm not Einstein, but sheesh, I'd like to think I have a couple of functioning brain cells in there, though under "interview" or "test" conditions, I'm not always so sure.
A little over a week ago, it was test time. Just a simple typing test. I do that nearly every day. Doing it right this minute in fact, and I'm actually pretty good at it. It was insane how nervous I was going in to that little room off the reception lobby to take that test. Fortunately I didn't completely choke and beat the minimum score needed, but I didn't beat it by much and in pretty much every practice test I took preparing for it I beat it by a bunch. I even beat it when interrupted by a phone call. So what's up with the nerves?
I did beat the minimum score. So, today I was blessed with the opportunity to interview for the position. YAY! It's a simple clerical post, but it's with the county so I'd be doing a job that would be in service to the people of my county and I like the idea of that. The hours would be very regular, basic week day, day shift, no weekends or holidays which would allow me to continue doing some of the volunteering I've been doing for years which is a HUGE plus and would also allow me to ramp up my participation at my church, something I've also been looking at since Edmond passed as a "safe" way to have a sort of social life as a gal on her own. (something that also terrifies me) The paycheck wouldn't make me rich but it would allow me to keep the fridge and toilet paper stocked and maybe even splurge on dinner out once in a while. Basically, it is exactly what I was hoping to find.
So why, rather than complete excitement over the prospect (that was there too) was I such a wreck with the nerves? How does one get past that? I don't think I stuttered too much. I took a deep breath before each answer both to try to settle myself and frame my thoughts. I don't think I came across as a complete dope, but it's hard to say what their perspective might have been. They weren't scary. No fangs or visible weapons to be afraid of. Just three very nice, and actually warm and friendly people, who I very much hope to see again and even become a co-worker of.
Admittedly it could have been worse. As I got in my car to make the short drive to the offices for the event (another big bonus. It's only about a 15 minute commute!) I said the prayer I've been using for this job search adventure. "Lord, please help me relax for this. And if it's meant to be, help me rock this and if not, help me represent myself as best I can and use it as experience and a learning tool for the one that is meant to be." Then I started the car, turned on my radio to Pandora (through my phone) and what comes on? Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb. HA! My darlin' just might have been behind that one. Next up was another of his favorite artists, Kitaro (awesome stuff!) and then another Pink Floyd tune (can't remember which actually. Sorry) I don't know if you believe in that stuff, but to me it was a sort of message that my Edmond, who ALWAYS had my back and supported me no matter what I wanted to do even if he didn't really want me to do it, was/is still letting me know he's got my back. I was still greatly amped on nerves, but I can't deny the little prayer and that musical pep talk did help. . . a little.
I think I did okay. Yeah I got a bit jittery, but, well, it's been years since my last real interview. I've gone to a couple that posed as interviews but were really just head hunter firms looking to boost their rosters I think and didn't really amount to much. No where near what this was for sure. I'm not counting chickens, but I am encouraged by the fact that they gave me a sheet listing all the benefits offered if/when I am hired and the lovely lady who was there commented that with the fixed schedule they have I "won't have to completely give up my volunteering at Meijer Gardens" and she said it almost as if she was trying to sell the position to me. Though that could be partly wishful thinking on my part.
The up-side is that I was told that no matter the decision I WILL be notified which is such a thoughtful thing these days. Most firms just leave one hanging with no contact so any contact is appreciated, even if it's not exactly as I hope. The time frame? One to two weeks. Ugh, that can feel like forever, but it's not. I've got this waiting thing down and I can outlast it and I think I did okay. . .
Here's hoping. . .
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