An Ordinary Life

I don't think I would have believed them. I KNOW I wouldn't have wanted to, nor would I have ever wished for it to be this way. There have been several times I "thought" I had my path mapped out, and if I did my part toward the goals I set, however simple, I'd get there and all would be well. As my current boss says nearly every day, "That's what you get for thinking." So, here I am at nearly 56, at what is generally thought to be a time of starting down the back side of "the hill" and I have to figure out how to map out and navigate yet another new path, starting from scratch, how to be something, or someone else. . . again. There were things I was excited about experiencing at this stage of my life, that either are no longer an option, or simply aren't turning out anything even close to what I had hoped. That would be workable if I had a clue how to fix that, or even could, but I'm not sure that's possible either and it...

One year ago today, I said goodbye to my best friend, the love of my life, the person who had the power to make me laugh a full on belly laugh, cry crocodile tears or so angry I could spit nails. The person who no matter what was going on around us, or how intense the situation was, I could be completely confident had my back and even if I was wrong, would take my side, then set me straight in private if need be.  Even with all of the challenges he faced in life, he ALWAYS made me feel like I could do anything and usually would get me started on the road to getting there. I loved him and had NO DOUBT he loved me. I’ve heard time heals all wounds. I’m not sure this one will actually heal because there isn’t a day, most days an hour or even minute I don’t still think about him. If I’m watching TV and hear a creak in my old house, and even if I don’t hear it, I still look up expecting to see him taking a break on his way back from the bedroom, leaning on the kitchen island, or sitt...

Interesting couple of days. It has been an extremely busy week at work. I'm talking crazy making busy. Strangely, people are starting to request to deal with me when they arrive because I'm the one who answers the phone and who they've already talked to. That is kind of cool, but I'm also not licensed and cannot help them with many, if not most of the things they come to us for. This week there were multiple times that the funeral director and I were each assisting a family and we had at least one other family waiting for something. And then the phone. Good gracious that phone never seemed to stop ringing this week. Crazy making I tell you! While Friday had the same sort of pace to it, it had a couple of moments, for me, that put it into perspective and reminded me why I wanted to take on this job. We handled things for a family who's loved one passed very early Wednesday morning. They came in to make arrangements just before lunch. About 4 pm they calle...

I had not really allowed myself to "fall apart" over the events in my life recently. A few tears and a lot of involuntary heavy sighs, but that's about it. Too much had to (and still has to) be done to indulge myself that way. Well, my mail yesterday changed all that. I'd not been "counting on" a positive outcome from my claim to the VA but I had been hoping for it and really did think my chances were good. Nope. The letter came yesterday. Denied. And everything crashed.   Then this is the Bible verse of the day in my email this morning: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV   I believe I've been "coming to Him" all through this. or I wouldn't have been able to hold it together. In fact I believe that while I've always been firm in my faith, I've actually been stronger in that aspect of my life than I'd been in a long time. It had been a conscious ...

Earlier today I came across a post made by an acquaintance of mine on Facebook that really got me thinking. Here is the post I read, followed by my thoughts and experiences I shared in response to it.  "I have a question to my Catholic FB friends. How do accept God's will?. My life has been very stressful and I do say my prayers and attend church and I do not ask for much in life but I see others who have it far better than me and they do not even believe in God. I wish to Change my life . I am tired of sarcastic people. I want to make some transitions and it just seems my life has too many road blocks." My response: There was a time, a few years back when I was asking those same questions. Why can't I find a job, how will I pay the bills, I didn't really even allow myself to consider any luxuries or extras because of the inability to cover the necessities. I kept going back on my upbringing in the church. I'm protestant not catholic, but that really do...