An Ordinary Life

It isn't so much that I haven't come to terms with my current "status" in life. I have. . . At least I think I have. I mean I've said things like, "I'm the surviving spouse." and "My husband has passed away." and other people have called me the "W" word and it hasn't really phased me. . . much. I've even had to put that as my status on a few forms. But I really hadn't said it out loud. But this week I got a phone call and the caller asked to speak to Ed. That may seem unusual, but we had started giving out my number for his business calls because he often didn't have his hearing aids in and missed important calls. It caught me off guard a bit because, while it happened frequently right after he passed, it had tapered off and I hadn't had any for about a month. "Hello, this is _______ Ambulance, Company, may I speak with Edmond please? We're calling to make sure he was happy with the service ...

Because I'm just getting started in the world of "blogging" I don't think I've mentioned that I need to find a job. Like, right now. As my darlin's health declined over the years there came a point where it was best for me to stay home and try to help him control his conditions. We made several adjustments that did, in fact improve, or at least slow down the decline, so it was the right decision for our circumstances. HOWEVER, living on disability, even a generous situation such as the one we were in, doesn't leave a lot of financial cushion and any savings we had from prior to that decision was pretty much gone long before he passed away. Also, funny thing. When a disabled person passes away, the disability income stops showing up in the bank account. Actually, I think that got cut off before the funeral. So, there is NOTHING coming in right now and, well, as most of you know, there are lights that have to be lit sometimes, and a refrigerator that must st...

My son asked if we could coordinate our calendars this morning. By that he means he wants to be sure I have correctly noted HIS work schedule on MY calendar. His schedule is from Monday to Sundayso when we got to next Sunday's hours, he noticed my annual reminder of (what would have been) Edmond's and my anniversary next Monday (9/18) and he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm so sorry Mom." I've been thinking about how I'll observe the day this year and how to, if possible, make it something other than completely teary, but mostly I realized that this will be the real 'kick-off' of a year of "Firsts" that I/we will have to live through without my Edmond.My Pop's birthday is 9/17 and Mom is serving cake and coffee to his friends we lovingly refer to as "The Good Ole Boys" at Cascade Christian Church on the 18th in the morning. I'm invited to that and if I'm feeling up to it I may join in. But I'm leaning t...